It’s been a while since I last got a spam comment on the GaragePunk.com blog worthy of reposting here, but this one that came in this morning made me laugh. Of course the links have been removed so as not to give the spammers their just deserts, and the original comment was marked as spam, but here it is for what it’s worth…
I looked at me megan fox naked over carefully, but could. Alan and fast. Alan watched but was still sexy megan fox just ran. We will announce a long cum was that will megan fox boobs help. Alan watched megan fox nude pics but her hand on the metro home, can’t mind.
Actually, I guess that one is more like a short story than haiku…
Please consider this a personal invitation to participate in the second annual St. Louis chapter of March Moustache Madness. This organized homage to the badly maligned mustacheoriginated in Baltimore, where it has become increasingly popular each year, exalting and embracing that little lip warmer to a status beyond mere hipster irony. If you are interested in participating, all necessary information follows.
Feel free to spread the word to your friends. Eventually, they’ll thank you.
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Step 1. Use the month of February to cultivate a nice growth of facial hair. Full beards are a warm, cozy option for this harsh winter month.
Step 2. On the morning of the first day of March, shave off all excess facial hair to let your mustache shine as a beacon of masculinity and style above your upper lip.
Step 3. Wear your mustache with pride. For the entire month of March.
Step 4. During the last weekend of March, there will be a top secret mustache party. You must have a mustache to get in (this applies to the ladies, too). There will be mustache dances, mustache music, and other assorted mustache-related activities. Prizes will be awarded, libations will be consumed, general rowdiness will ensue.
I thought a friend of mine who called to ask me if I’d sold my car to some guy in St. Charles was off his rocker when he said he’d seen my car on the local TV news, a red bubble-back Barracuda with “WAYBAC” license plates and all (even though my plates are different now), until I went online this morning and found that a photo of my car was indeed used in the original story last Friday, and then again in a follow-up story on Monday! The story is about a used-car dealer who found an old class ring under the backseat of a car he’d bought and was wanting to return it to its rightful owner.
At least in the follow-up story John Auble says “a Chrysler (sic) Barracuda like this one” (in the original story they didn’t say that, which made my friend think that mine was the actual car the ring was found in)… In any event, they must’ve found the photo of my car on the Web or something. Weird! You’d think the news crew would have taken shots of the actual car that the ring was found in… I mean, they obviously went out there to interview the guy, right? How hard would it have been to get a couple shots of the real car?
By the way, the 2nd photo used in these stories is NOT my car. If you look closely, you’ll notice it has a side-view mirror on the driver’s side (mine doesn’t have side-view mirrors), and the wheels are also different. I don’t believe that 2nd photo is the actual car, either, since it appears to be a photo from a car show.
I suppose I should demand that Fox 2 News return the photo of the car they used to ITS rightful owner. :\
Security Briefs! Just $7.95!! I’ve gotta admit, if I were a burglar I think the LAST place I’d reach my hand inside to check for some loot would be a pair of skidmarked tighty-whiteys.
Disgustingly Funny Dirty Security Underwear Safe
Dirty Security Underwear Safe Features:
Secret pouch with a fastener to keep your stash in place.
The realistic “skid mark” will keep others from touching them.
Not even the most hardened criminals have the balls to rile through dirty under garments.
Are you afraid of the family jewels being taken from the family safe? Put them where no burglar has gone before, a pair of skid marked underpants. Now you see the genius of the Security Briefs, anti-theft protection masquerading as your dirty tighty whiteys.
Not meant for wearing, but if you really want to know the size, we would say it’s between a Small and Medium sized men’s underwear. Security Briefs are Disgustingly Funny. Secretly concels your valuables stash. Has Skid-Mark Technology to ensure no one will touch these things so your valuables are safe. Great Gag Gift!
Liquid Ass Spray! Just $5.99!! I dunno, I must’ve missed these TV ads. Check out the description:
Liquid Ass is an overwhelming, stinky, funny prank product. Once unleashed, this power packed, super concentrated liquid begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo. The funny pranks you can pull with Liquid ASS are unlimited. Watching the facial grimaces of people and hearing their comments about the part your hair, gagging stench will have you laughing until it hurts.
The next time you have the urge for a funny prank or if you just need to get the party started, reach for a bottle of Liquid Ass.
Anyway, just look at this feedback:
You’ve replicated the smell of human excrement perfectly.
This STUFF is AWESOME for pranks and a less than lethal weapon!!
You guys should get a Nobel prize for this!
Liquid ASS has greatly exceeded my expectations.
I now know what it would smell like if I stuck my head in the colon of a rotting corpse.
Liquid Ass seems to smell “hot”, like really fresh shit . . .
The best part of Liquid Ass is the fact that no one can find a source.
All pranksters should have this in their arsenal.
I and the other 2 girls I work with have been pretty much peeing our pants with laughter.
Liquid Ass to me is now ranked among the greatest inventions of all time.
It combines both a bona fide turd smell with the gaseous effects of a noxious fart bomb.
It’s a slow afternoon at work today, so I’m bored and decide to try and find out what other Jeff Kopps are out there making the world a better place, including some Web URLs with my name in ‘em. This is kinda fun… your mileage may vary, though.
St. Louis in the late ’50s/early ’60s must have been a pretty interesting place, what with Gaslight Square and all. One of the truly unique places back then was Wild’s Palace of Poison, a greaser/hot rod hangout that existed on Lemay Ferry Road in South St. Louis County. I just found a great page with a photo and some scans of their menu (which includes such delicacies as the Murder Burger, Scorpions Sting, Idiots Delight, and the Arsenic Special) and “death certificate” on the cool ShootStLouis.com site… Check it out here!
My favorite line, from the “Death Certificate”:
Wild’s Palace of Poison assumes no responsibility for demise of corpse since corpse was dead from the neck up for having et here in the first place.
Har!
By the way, Chuck-A-Burger (who will soon be closing their fabled St. Charles Rock Road location because the owner of the property wants to sell it) sells Palace of Poison stickers for your ride. I have one on my ‘Cuda.
Call me crazy, call me stupid, but I had no friggin’ idea that Zander Schloss’s brother was one of the owners of the Atomic Cowboy. I had a vague recollection buried in the deep, dark recesses of my brain that Zander was originally from St. Louis, before high-tailing it to the City of the Angels back in the early 1980s where he would dabble here and there in acting and later join one of the best punk rock bands of all-time (the Circle Jerks, duh). My favorite among his movie roles? Karl, the “wiener kid” in Alex Cox’s 1987 film, Straight to Hell. He was also in such cult hits at Repo Man and Tapeheads. He hasn’t done any acting (that I know of, anyway), since 2001’s That Darn Punk, a film whose soundtrack includes a few too many Epitaph bands for my liking, but it’s fun nonetheless. But then again, Zander keeps himself fairly occupied these days playing bass with Duane Peters in Die Hunns (as well as the occasional Weirdos reunion) so who knows what the future holds for the wiener boy. Anyway, so someone—I’ve no idea who—set up a Zander Schloss fan page on Myspace recently, which I discovered about the same way I discover most Myspace pages—via a friend request, naturally. So Zander was fresh in my mind the day I watched Bill Streeter’s Lo-Fi Saint Louis vlog post about the Cowboy Cabaret at Atomic Cowboy. Lo and behold, right smack dab in the middle of it, this guy flashes on the screen and he’s actin’ a little crazy, wavin’ his arms around and stuff, and I look at his mug and immediately get that astonished “wait! I know that dude!” look that you often get when you recognize someone but can’t quite place their face right away. He looked sooo familiar… Glasses, curly blond hair, kind of a nerdy-lookin’ guy. Then the guy’s name pops up on the screen: CHIP SCHLOSS. Lightbulb goes off over my head. “Chip Schloss! uh… Schloss? Zander! No… Chip? Who the hell’s Chip? That must be his brother!” Bingo, come to find out (thanks Richard Beckman) it is. But damn, he looks just like his brother. See what I mean?
That’s Zander on the bottom, by the way.
I dunno, I just thought that was kinda cool. I’d no idea Zander had a brother involved in the music scene in St. Louis. Learn something new every day!
Just found out from Miriam Linna at Norton Records that Beatle Bob called them earlier today and informed them that HE was throwing this benefit for Question Mark. No mention of me or TIRC or the opening bands or anything. I think he found out from Steve at Off Broadway.
Gee, Beatle Bob… LYING? That never happens!
And ya know, it’s not just that he lied… I mean, honestly, that part doesn’t surprise me anymore. I’ve heard it so many times that I know it’s part of his daily routine, and I also know that he can’t help it… he’s mentally ill. But it’s the fact that he went way out of his way to actually call Billy & Miriam and tell them this that blows my mind… it’s not like he just mentioned it in a passing conversation with someone. Makes me wonder who else he called and told…
By the way, I got this info directly from Miriam tonight, on the phone. I’m not making this up. Sorry if this shatters your view of this local icon. She believed him, too, just like everyone normally does. She had no idea he was homeless, or that he wasn’t a “teacher” or “social worker” or whatever it is he told her he did for a living.
That documentary on him that’s coming out this spring is really going to open some eyes, and it’s about goddamned time.
